I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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