i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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