I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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