We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
