HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
