Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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