i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
