he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
