I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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