I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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