i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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