Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
