So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
