New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
