After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
