Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My dick has a subreddit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
