Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
