dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
