How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
