we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
