please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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