Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
