I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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