Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
