just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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