girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
