His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
