it was like eating out sand paper
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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