I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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