the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
