My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Randomize
