last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
