There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
