Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
