If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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