I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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