Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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