He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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