i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
