There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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