I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
