There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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