she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
