I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
