i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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