Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
