He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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