I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
