he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
