You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were trust falling into bushes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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