When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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