dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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