THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
