i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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