Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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