thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
