dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
