have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize