we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
