she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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