I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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