In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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