i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
