he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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