I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
