I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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