Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
