Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
