I want to walk on stilts...naked
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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