I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
