Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
