How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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