Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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