Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
